After surviving an abusive relationship at the age of 16, Tenaj Moody is a firm believer that you can use your struggles as your motivators. Tenaj connects individuals and communities with relevant resources by proactively reaching out to young adults and victims of abuse. She empowers young adults by providing a support network, psycho-educational workshops, and a safe space to share their stories.
Born in Virginia and raised in Northeast Philadelphia, Tenaj lived primarily with her grandmother and mother. During her time growing up, Tenaj faced many different obstacles, which sometimes included not having the most stable household or financial income. "My mom was incarcerated eighteen times as I was growing up. She had her own tribulations throughout life. Being a victim of human trafficking led my mother down paths that ultimately led to her incarceration". Tenaj's mother was inevitably viewed as someone who had committed a crime, despite being a victim. "She is a victim. Because of that, the collateral effects of incarceration impacted my mother to have employment or a steady income". Tenaj explains how this injustice against her mother impacted her family unit. She often moved from place to place. "There was a period of our life that we spent being homeless. So, as I was trying to navigate life and trying to grow up as a teenager, I was experiencing all of these trials and at the same time trying to go to school. Being homeless, living in a shelter or living with friends." Tenaj believes that her experiences growing up lead her to where she is today. Founder of a for-profit community-based organisation. Light to Life is dedicated to raising awareness and educating young adults about trauma-informed care and mental health.
"I didn't grow up in your typical family. I grew up with a single mom that did the best with what she could. She is a phenomenal woman who I believe is the smartest woman I know. This woman has reliance and strength in everything that she does." Tenaj did not grow up in a traditional mother and father household. She explained how her lack of role models impacted her ability to differentiate between a healthy and unhealthy relationship. Based on studies, a person's experiences increase risk factors of being a victim of violence or becoming a perpetrator of violence. At the age of 16, Tenaj found herself in an abusive relationship that stretched over a year and a half. "People believe that domestic violence happens overnight. It doesn't work like that. Sometimes you just never know, or you never see it coming. In the first two years of my relationship, I never knew warning signs that would inevitably lead to an abusive relationship". She explains that warning signs of the abuse consisted of taking her phone away, telling her to change her clothes and deleting friends numbers. "He forced me to do things that I didn't want to do. These experiences then escalated to pushing and eventually to hitting me." Tenaj hid the bruises with makeup and made excuses for the marks on her face, blaming it on field hockey. Her abusive partner ultimately made Tenaj feel isolated. After convincing her that her own mother was against her, she had no one to turn to. "I started to lose my self-esteem, my confidence and who I was as a person. Suicidal thoughts, not eating and taking care of myself, losing a lot of weight, I stopped caring about my life. I felt that I didn't have any control in my life because my abuser was controlling everything." After finally having enough, Tenaj explains how she was treated as a criminal instead of the victim after a public argument. "I was filled with so much fuel and anger. I was tired of the control. I keyed his car, saying fuck this. I'm done with this shit. This was my way of taking back my power. He tackled me to the ground in broad daylight. I just remember biting and scratching him, trying to get him off of me."
In the midst of all of this, both Tenaj and her partner's families witnessed the altercation. Whilst Tenaj tried to defend herself, her mother called the police, resulting in arresting Tenaj. Much like her mother's previous experience, Tenaj was viewed as the aggressor. A common misjudgment made against victims of domestic violence is an outcome of secrecy and concealment. "I just remembered thinking, there is no hiding this anymore. It's all out in the light." Tenaj's arrest resulted in her going to court. She was ordered to pay fines for damage to the car and was also put on probation. The only thing that she received from the legal system was a protection order, a piece of paper. "That was the result of this relationship. At that point in my life, I realised that I didn't have my voice, I didn't speak up for myself, I didn't tell the judge anything that had been happening to me over three years. I didn't have pictures or proof of any of the bruises, the marks. I had nothing." Tenaj believes there is a blessing in every lesson. From then on, Tenaj has dedicated her life to make sure another 16-year-old, like herself, never has to experience the same thing that she went through.
In 2014, Tenaj started Light to Life as the first funded domestic violence organisation on the Wesley College campus during her sophomore year. She was able to work with 1500 college students in the Deleware area. Tenaj partnered with University councillors to serve as a referral for students who wanted to break their silence in their own abusive relationships. "Light to Life provided a space for young people to be able to feel seen and heard, to be empowered and educated with the resources and tools they need if they are in a situation like this. If they are not in an abusive relationship, I can explain how to prevent it if it ever were to occur." Light to Life today is now a for-profit domestic violence consulting firm. Tenaj has worked with juvenile correctional facilities, government agencies, small businesses and non-profits. She educates, empowers, and creates conversations on change to raise awareness of this silent epidemic. "Honestly, it's been a blessing. It's been a journey, it's been hard, but it's been so worth it. I've been able to have such an impact. What good am I doing if I cannot share what I know to help someone else?".
Tenaj's Best Advice
"No matter what people say to you, no matter how many no's or rejections you get, you need to be your biggest fan. You have to be the one rooting for you. At the end of the day, no one will give you that pat on the back. Sometimes, people aren't going to say a good job or appreciate you. You have to be the one to push yourself moving forward. Have the motivation, have the discipline and have a positive mindset. If you're not going to do it, then who will? On those days when you feel like you can't do it or unsure if it'll work out, remind yourself of how far you have come. Write it down. Be present with yourself and realise that you have come so far, but you have so much more to go. That one closed door is not the end. There's another opportunity coming. Be yourself and trust the process. That's the biggest part of the journey."